I wish I could count the number of nights I have stayed up thinking about all the things I want to change in my life. The goals I want to achieve, the people I want to please, the people that are toxic, the future that once seemed so distant and far away.
It's funny how I can count on one hand the number of times I laid my head on my pillow and thought, "my life is perfect."
The truth is life is never perfect, but there are perfect moments. There are the moments where, for one split second, the universe aligns and everything is right. Life is full of these moments, the only problem is that they are fleeting. They don't last forever, so we don't understand their impact.
The truth is last week, at UCLA there was a murder-suicide. Initially, we all thought it was a mass shooting, so the entire school went into a lockdown and everyone was in hiding. Although I tried my best not to show it, that was one of the scariest moments of my life. It was one of the most real instances where I had to actually consider that I might die. And that was fucking terrifying.
A lot of people told me that, although what happened was terrible, I will now have a greater appreciation and love of life. To be honest, that is completely untrue. I do not have some amazing inspiration and newfound love of life.
I think people need to stop romanticizing awful events. I believe that love of life is found in the good things that happen to us. Good things are what inspire people. Bad things teach lessons. Good things inspire love.
I find that when something good happens to me, I feel so alive. My energy completely transforms and I feel like I can do anything. I feel happy and I find that I make other people happy too.
When bad things happen, we experience hurt and sadness. Yes, we learn from the situation, but it does not bring upon us a newfound inspiration towards living a fuller life.
I understand that without the bad, we cannot have good. But people need to stop pretending that bad things help people appreciate life, because they do not. The only thing that sadness and fear inspire, is even more hurt.
Life is not easy, and it is definitely not perfect. It is messy and difficult. It is complicated and hard to understand. But our lives are made up of so many perfect moments. Those moments are oftentimes temporary and they last very briefly. Sometimes, we miss them completely.
There is too much emphasis on the bad in today's world. Most of which is also fueled by the media. But don't get lost and forget about the little moments that make it all worth it.
Don't stay up thinking about all the ways in which your life is wrong. Do what inspires happiness in you. Start a new job, read a new book, make a new friend, leave behind the toxic people that hold you back. Think of all the ways you have done good in this world.
More importantly, notice the people in your life. Notice those people that would walk through fire for you. Notice those that make such a big effort to be a part of your life. Notice the people that work so hard to make you happy. Value those people and fight to keep them in your life. Stop focusing on the people you need to work so hard to please and impress, they are not worth your time or efforts. Place your energy with those that will reciprocate it.
It is important to be content with aspects of your life as they are now. Wanting to change and improve your life is wonderful, but you also have to learn to be happy with what you have right now. Don't go living your life always chasing the next best thing without realizing all the good that you already have. You would be wasting the present for a future that is not even guaranteed.
Live simply,
Ersi Dani
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